bulky

i do not promote eating disorder or self harm. may be triggering

I want to wake up and feel happy that we’re having our coffee together, I want to curl up on the couch with you and watch stupid TV shows, I want to fall asleep with you drooling in my hair, I want to go pick out puppies together, I want us to eat epic pizza. A simple and boring life with you; that’s all I want.

imageI have been thinking a lot about us, how what used to be two complete different became one in a heartbeat, how holding hands and kisses used to be weird, how those elbows would hit when our hands interlocked,  how foreign and tender your lips used to taste but I now know how your lips taste like in everything that you do and how tingling it was when your moustache brushed against my chin. I used to be rather shy and anxious when we dine together but I now notice how you will eat, how much sauce you will use and what sort of food you will order when we are out. Movies used to be awkward. Thoughts like, “where do I place my hands?”, “should I casually drop my head on your shoulder?”, “you offered to feed me popcorn and lemon tea how should i react!!!!” often reoccur but months later, almost close to a year I can safely say I am at such ease with you, wanting to constantly hold you tight, gift a perk on your tender lips, gently weave your messy hair and spill “I love you’s” in the few hours that we meet on weekdays. I love how you tug me into your arms in bed. You make me happiest in forever and for the butterflies to start fluttering in my almost bloated stomach. You will be in me for being in your arms is what keeps me safe and warm.